Japanese Toilet Technology: the future?

Like when Bin Men refer to themselves as Refuse Collectors or media students call themselves freelancers, the Japanese toilet provides a top of the range function for a job which is pretty dull and thankless.

A rather thorough control panel, but what does it mean?

If you’ve had the pleasure to visit Japan you may have noticed their technology seems fair in advance to our own, similarly, you may have noticed that the toilets display a range of functions which could be deemed slightly pretentious.

We are all aware of what the standard procedure for a trip to the toilet in the UK entails and it’s pretty simple, but on exploring the delights that Japan has to offer, it seems rather prehistoric in comparison.

On encountering one of these technological marvels, after performing the ‘simple bit’ you are then left with a control panel of options, with each button displaying an undecipherable symbol.

With, your most sensitive areas at stake it may seem rather daunting which to press first; single square? Line of dots? Two lines of dots? Each symbol evoking a mass of confusion, you settle for one at random and are treated to a jet of water followed by a blow dry!

Nice? That technology maybe slightly shocking at first but at least it serves a purpose and it’s not too far from the common bidet; bar the fact a bidet doesn’t take you by surprise. Let’s move on to some more interesting technological advances in Japanese toilet tech.

The Otohime, or ‘Sound Princess’ is a technology that could only be pioneered by the Japanese. Ever been in a situation where, under no circumstances can passers by hear your toilet activity? Whether a poor diet or painful exit is to blame, Japanese ladies have to endure this rather embarrassing feat day in day out.

The Sound Princess: activated by movement or frantic waving

The Sound Princess provides a rather unconvincing flushing sound to mask the fact that you’re producing some of the most humiliating sounds the human body is capable of; saving water from extensive flushing and saving your integrity.

Moreover, in the words of George Orwell, ‘Big Brother is watching you’ and the next piece of technology we discovered could be deemed indecently ‘probing’. Through innocent eyes, the idea of a toilet examining your outgoings for blood pressure, body fat and sugar levels, and sending them straight to your doctor, is an in genius invention which will allow us all to live long a bountiful lives.

On the other hand, if the doctor can gain your information, then potentially the authorities can, and nothing could be worse then being arrested for a crime you didn’t poo!     

So next time you look down at that ever confusing control panel after devouring six trays of sushi and a pint of Saki, remember what may lurk beneath, and just stick with the bidet.

www.bathroomcity.co.uk